You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i believe in u and ur pee
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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