i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
