Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
