it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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