ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
