At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
