My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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