Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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