Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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