Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
