I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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