So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
