What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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