she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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