I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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