I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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