What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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