Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
