I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
