why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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