some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
