needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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