IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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