I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
