Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He shit in the fireplace
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
