wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Randomize
