how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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