You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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