**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
someone get that fucking seahorse.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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