Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
