I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
