Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The Olympian is in my bed
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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