I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
