I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You were trust falling into bushes
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
