he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
