Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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