i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
