I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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