Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Is this like a preordered booty call?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
