It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I party with great urgency now.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
