i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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