how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The beer is more important than you right now.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
