The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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