K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
