and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
they're like a gay fantastic four
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
