She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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