you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Houston, we have a squirter
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Randomize
