there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
