working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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