He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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