my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
