I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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