I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
