Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
