Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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