Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
