clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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