I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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