we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
