I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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