just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
