Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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