got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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